Hello Friends. It's been a while, hasn't it?
The past few weeks have been marked with a lot of inner turmoil. Basically, the issue is as follows: I have received revelation that I need to go on a mission in the fall. While this is exciting in its way, it's a bittersweet reality to me. I love my life right now. I love my friends. I love BYU. But while I'm serving a mission, it's more than likely that my best friends will all move on: get married, graduate, take jobs. And that saddens me a great deal. I don't feel ready to let go of them yet.
I know that Heavenly Father would not tell me I need to go on a mission unless it was the best choice for me. I know that serving Him as a missionary will be one of the greatest blessings of my life, and that I will be led to the places and experiences I need to fulfill my calling on earth. I know that what I'm feeling now is the Spirit confirming my decision to serve. My time for romance and marriage and family will come, but first I need to mold myself into the woman God expects me to be.
I know all of this, but it doesn't stop me from feeling prematurely lonely.
The other night, my dear cousin Heidi and I stayed up late talking. One of the subjects we discussed at length was living your testimony. I know I have a testimony, but how do I show that in my actions? What should I change about who I am or how I act so that people know that I know? Our ideas were many and varied, but in the end I concluded that the all-encompassing answer is the Spirit. Only when the Spirit is with you is your perception of people and events accurate. The Spirit makes you clear-headed and empathetic. The Spirit makes you brave.
I've seen the hand of God in my life this weekend - especially yesterday. Every message I heard had something to do with courage and optimism through change. During the sacrament, I opened my scriptures and they fell open to Enos. As I read, I was struck less by his miraculous change of heart than by his subsequent concern for the Lamanites and his desire to share the Gospel with them. As I sat in the characteristic silence of a college ward sacrament service, I was overwhelmed with love for the people of my mission - wherever they are. That moment gave me hope.
Through the Spirit, I've been able to feel peace about my future, despite all of the happiness I'll be leaving behind at the end of the semester. I know that as I live my testimony and move forward with faith and courage, I can find happiness in every situation. I am excited to share the knowledge that brings peace and meaning to my life with my brothers and sisters. I'm excited to become who I'm meant to be.
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I'm excited for you Jadess. You are a beautiful soul and I know that you'll do great at whatever you choose. :D
ReplyDeleteJade. Can I just say something. I don't know how personal I can be via blogpost. But I want to tell you anyway.
ReplyDeleteDid you know that I was going to serve a mission? I had my papers finished and submitted to the bishop. I met Chris the next day.
I was inspired to serve a mission as well. and it was prayer and study that inspired me. It was also the book of Enos that lead me to the overwhelming love and desire to have the faith and courage needed to prepare myself for a mission. Enos to this day is my favorite book in the Book of Mormon. There is a song called "My Soul Hungared" about Enos and his story. I don't recall who sings it but I would highly recommend finding it? (I was in Russia when I made the decision to serve, after prayer, and desire, and hopes, and struggles, i knew that I needed to serve a mission.)
Anyway. I didn't end up going on a mission because I knew Christopher was the one for me. I had no doubt in my mind. So many people questionned why I chose him over a mission. I thought about it so many times but I've come to believe that I wouldn't know him if it weren't for my preparation for serving a mission. and I wouldn't be the person he loved without it. I was then inspired to stay home and be with Chris.
Jadess. even PREPARING for a mission makes you become the best person you could possibly be. It is a feeling and a comfort I can't describe unless you are there doing so.
I look up to you tremendous amounts you know. So much for who you are. I realize that the departure you are about to face with family and friends and LIFE is going to be a hard one. BUT if you follow the inspiration you have been given to serve, you won't feel like its such a hard thing. Your family will be blessed, and the friends that move on and get married will have that. But there won't be any reason why when you get home in 18 short months you won't have that either. Life happens yes, but what you are choosing to do is definitely going to MOLD you into the woman you are going to need to be for your spouse, your children, and your life.
Dear oh Dear. You're a blessing.
The Lord guides each and every one of us in different directions, and while it's hard to accept change, it's inevitable. Yes, we are going to move in different directions: school will continue, marriage might come to some, and I'll graduate. What's next, a career? Mission? Life is so changing all the time, and while we may be separated for a while, I have built a friendship with you that will last until we are little old ladies spitting at kids.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an example to me, and I wish that I could be out there serving with you! The Lord has a plan for each of us, and while those paths may separate us momentarily, we will meet again, because these kinds of relationships don't end easily. We all love you, appreciate everything you do, and want to be with you!
Also, I promise to not do anything fun while you are gone. I will sit in my room, study, graduate, and get some stuffy government job. And THEN we can party :)
Jadess...I'm like so overcome with emotion right now I can't decide if I'm going to cry or throw up. On the one hand, I am SO incredibly happy for you! I know that you're going to be an incredible missionary and there are people out there who are going to be so grateful and blessed to hear the Gospel from you. On the other hand...I'm so sad. Granted, I don't see you a whole lot as it is, but I'm going to miss you so much. I love you with my whole heart Jadess, and even if time passes and we end up in completely different places in life, please know that you made a HUGE impact on my life and you absolutely live your testimony in your life. You are amazing.
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